Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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