Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
