I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
