if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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