it hurts more in the daytime
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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