He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dicks are not precious.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
