there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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