The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
