it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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