Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
