So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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