I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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