I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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