he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
