I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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