um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
