my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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