who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
