We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
