i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
