you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
