she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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