I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
