I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
