Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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