I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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