I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Shame is for Republicans.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize