yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My hand turned me down
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
