So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
