You just made me feel so damn special
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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