Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
