She's JV to your varsity
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
