Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
