I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
