Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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