omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
