Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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