Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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