"it" just moved
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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