His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize