Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
