At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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