So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
