Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
this hospital has no fireball
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
