we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
