it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
