Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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