I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
