I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
