I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
