you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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