JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
