I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
that may or may not have been my penis.
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