I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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