We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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