I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
