I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
