the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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