What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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