omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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