i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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