dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
